Dear Mr and Mrs America. You nearly blew it, but enough of you voted sensibly to ensure that the crazies and teabaggers don’t have direct access to the nuclear trigger. For that we thank you! It was worth staying up to the wee smalls to see the Fox Propaganda channel drones strangling themselves with indignation as the results came in. I don’t care what anyone says, schadenfreude is a dish best enjoyed with friends and copious amounts of good food and wine!
So now dear Mr Pres., would you ever cut the rhetoric and put on your shit-kickers and get stomping. The first target has got to be that bunch of pathetic pussies in the party that supposedly supports you – the Dems. Keep kicking until the party starts to get enough hormone in its bloodstream so that it stands up to the yoyos across the aisle. You need to get them to reach across the aise and, at the start, grasp their opponents warmly by the throat. Hand-shaking can come later.
And, Sir, you need to get the extra heavy-duty steel toe-caps on to deal with the Republicans. Start with yer man Boehner. Tell him that before you take him seriously, he needs to man up and pronounce his name properly! It’s pronounced Boner. Live with it. Ask him if he’s ever stubbed his tay? Would he remove weeds with a hay? And as for that braindead wanker McConnell, tell him he failed. Live with it.
You’ve now got no need to worry about elections. You’re the man. So deal with the Bush tax cuts. Make millionaires and billionaires pay their fair share. Stop mollycoddling the oil industry and the military industrial complex. Treat your returning veterans properly. Tell the teabaggers that Obamacare is here to stay. And regulate the banks!! In other words, give the US that change that you promised in 2008.
And the rest of the world will thank you, not only for rescuing us from a teaparty-sponsored presidency, but for demonstrating that America actually can be run along sensible lines. You never know, if you can pull this off in the next four years, some of us at least might start to regard the idea of American claims to leadership on the world stage with a lessened degree of cynicism and distaste.